OLD PA'S WEDNESDAY CLUB
THE 'IMPORTANCE OF A FART'
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| SHE CAME FROM THE LAND OF SLOWWORMS |
Antoinette Manly, now there is a name for you. She was my first love, I think. I was about 10 or 11 and still in primary school. She arrived like some amazing beauty queen and from the south. She was tall with long blond hair and burning blue eyes. She came from Hampshire, a place from where slowworms came. She was not like the boring other girls. She was beautiful and exiting.
I was in love and it was my first time. I just knew something had happened.. I met her alone one day after school, after a session at the swimming baths. On the way home. I caught up with her in purpose (nowadays they call it stalking) and we found out together our love for animals. We both adored; frogs, toads newts, dogs, goats everything, I was in love with Antioette Manly and I believed she was in love with me.
Older guys told me I should take her to the Old House and ask her to prove it. I did not know quite what they meant. But I agreed and sent her a note asking her to meet me and my mate Ian Motion, she could bring her friend Jean Totten .We could meet on Saturday where I catch newts and toads.
We went to the Old House but I did not really know what to do. We ended up playing, truth, dare, or got to. and when I was asked to kiss Antoinette, I really did not know what to do and I found it boring.
A few weeks later, she farted in class and I sent her a note saying she was dropped. Well!
It was much later I realised the importance of a fart in a relationship
Ah! was that you Old Ma!....auuuuh blooody ell!
I tried to write a poem about it, but got a bit bored of it and could not be arsed finishing it. But here is what I did anyway, in its unfished form. You will note of course I lie about the true ending. But that is between you and me.
ANTOINETTE
A tall godess was Antoinette
with long golden hair
brght blue sparkling eyes
and a smile which lit up any room
she was so different
from all these scottish girls
she came from the land of the slowworm
I fell in love with Antoinette
and she fell in love with me
It was our very first time in love
a strange feeling of thrilling wonder
she came from the land of the slowworm
I met my love Antoinette
on the way back from the swimming pool
we talked about newts, toads frogs and snakes
we held hands and were joined as one
she came from the land of the slowworm
The older boys they told me
to take her to the old house
thats where she should prove her love
we met there on the first Saturday
she came from land of the slowworm
when there I was'n sure what to do
a game of truth dare or got too was played
the dare became a kiss
but i did not see any fun to this
she came from the land of the slowworm
She later told me her dad had to go
she would be leaving very soon
i was left holding a broken heart
and a love so new and true
she returned to the land of the slowworm
DONOVAN - To Sing for You (1965)
Donovan - Josie/To Sing for You
4/
5
Oleh
sfw
3 comments
Tulis commentsInspired, Old Pa! What a tale.
ReplyAnd I love that: 'the land of the slowworm'. Who would've thought Hampshire could sound so exotic?
As for farting, I was once horrified to be told that a friend's wife, according to him, "had never farted"... I don't think they can have really been married...
C - a fartless marriage...how boring!!
ReplyYou kill me Old Pa! It seems the answer really was blowing in the wind!
Reply